Jedis Go Home

Religion does my head in. Not because I don't believe in religion or because I think it is the cause of all wars or because I think it's delusional or anything like that. The truth of religious beliefs is not of the slightest importance to me. Let's face it, our days are dogged by talks of money, the economy, fiscal this and deficit that, but do we bother to ask the question "does all of this stuff really exist?" Of course we don't, because we know it doesn't. The money that we use to run the world has absolutely no physical form whatsoever. Even the coins we do own are just a symbol of the purely abstract world of finance. Things that don't really exist have an effect on our lives, even when we know they're not real. The question is not whether or not something is true, but whether it currently changes the way we act and interact. Knowledge of its non-existence ultimately changes very little.

Religion does my head in because it takes this form and therefore people get caught up in useless discussions about it. I watched a TV show this morning where the debate circulated around trying to define religion so that some minor groups could class themselves as being covered by the religious discrimination act. The question that the audience concerned themselves with was not the one posed by the presenter, but the more confusing/pointless question of "is Jedi really a religion?" The answer should have been rather straight forward: grow the fuck up.

I don't extend this to all religions. I'm an atheist but I still think religious discussion is important. The Dawkinsian approach of condemning anything that can't be shown in purely positivist terms is a throwback to ancient rationalism and not an continuation of the project of the enlightenment. I take Christianity, Islam, Judeism, Buddhism, Hinduism and Sikhism (and the various off-shoots) quite seriously. Firstly, because they form the basis of many cultures so it's quite important to understand them. Secondly, because I don't take the rather childish view that all religions were created as a tool for control or a way to make money. I think that view is either naive or crass. You can't decide upon the origin of a religion through an observation of how it runs today any more than you could judge the founding moments of a nation by what that nation was doing 2000 years later. While it is true that some branches of Christianity have been used to control populations by joining forces with monarchy and government and that the heads of the church reap the benefits of the collection plates as others starve, that doesn't mean that it was the original intention.

In a rather un-atheist manner, I argue that religions are not true accounts of the creation of the world or the meaning of life, but they are a way of understanding human interaction, social forces and power relations. The way we speak about religion actually shows us many aspects of human understanding and knowledge: not a knowledge of a sublime, divine realm but of something within humans and their relationships. In pretentious terms, the question is not "is there a God?" but the question "when we say 'God', what is it that we refer to?"

This is why I think the whole Jedi issue is a non-starter. A few weeks back, a young man was asked to remove his hood whilst in a supermarket. He refused to do so on religious grounds, stating that he is a Jedi Knight and therefore the supermarket is discriminating against him (especially as Muslim women in burkhas were also in the store and were not asked to change how they dressed). The questions started popping up: why one rule for some and not for others? Is this too far in our depiction of religion or not far enough in carrying out our legislation? I say to both: bollocks.

Let's start at the top: some people believe in the Jedi way. The universe is a manifestation of a supernatural "force" which guides everything and maintains balance and harmony. This includes certain buddhist principles of enlightenment and training along with philosophical ideas of predetermination and destiny. The main teachings of Jedi could, in one sense, be traced back to the original eastern religions that George Lucas borrowed/stole from in order to write the Star Wars saga. On the other hand, the only reason that this religion is classed as Jedi is because it actually extends from Lucas and not from the other religions (else they'd just class themselves as Buddhist/Shinto etc). Christianity can trace itself back to a cult that began with the teachings of a historical individual called Jesus. Islam can trace itself back to the teachings of the prophet Mohammed. Jedi can trace itself back to the fictional writings of George Lucas. As a religion, it is the youngest in the world maybe, stemming back only a couple of years, but tracing its sacred text back to the late 1970s.

Of course, age has nothing to do with it. Being the oldest religion wouldn't make it the best religion, nor would being younger make it any less believable. What does make it less believable is that within our lifetimes a man has written a story, not even remotely claiming that it is true, and it has been adopted by some people as fact. I can't imagine that if I said that I was part of the holy church of the Fellowship of the Ring and that we must work together in tolerance and harmony in order to destroy the ring of power in case the armies of Mordor should descend into our lives, then I would be taken seriously. People would think I was insane. They would laugh at me for confusing actual fiction with genuine fact. One might argue that the same could be said for, say, Christianity. Damn right, of course we could. Apocraphyl tales of miracles and messianic shenanigans are misunderstood as fact and turned into a way of life. However, that was back in a time when 1) people were still very superstitious and easilly led, and 2) the person who made the stories up wasn't alive and well and telling everyone that it is fiction and letting us know that he'll be making up some new stories soon. There is an entire industry based around the creation of these myths which is clear for us all to see. I doubt we'd give Christianity the time of day if the Pope came out every couple of years and said "I'm coming up with a new trilogy, if it's not a film it will at least be a graphic novel".

But surely Jedis are as sincere in their beliefs as Christians. I don't doubt it. However, we can't treat them in the same way. A person who watches a film, then gets told that the film is the basis of a religion, and then believes it all is just stupid or mentally ill. If someone told me that Scooby Doo was the secret to understanding the universe, I would expect to be locked up if I actually fell for it. These people need our help as much as a man who stands in the street wearing a tin foil hat to protect himself from alien signals does. They need help in the same way that a child needs assuring that the monster from TV isn't really in the wardrobe. Just because it's a religious belief it doesn't mean it has special protection.

This isn't even a subtle way of showing the flaw of all religion: "ha ha, now that I've convinced you that this is the case for Jedis, I can show you that it is the same for all religions!" Not in the slightest. I'm saying that Jedis asking for respect in their beliefs is like a man who thinks he is Napoleon should just be left to himself so long as he isn't bothering anyone. Remember: these people vote. These people can have a say in how a country is run. These people could ask for a change in the way our children are educated. Genuinely mentally ill people will be making decisions on your behalf. And they are mentally ill: how else can you explain grown adults dressing like Jedis because they think that the Star Wars films contain the actual truth about the universe?

Of course, the guy on TV laid down his trump card for earning respect: Jedi is "officially" recognised as the 4th biggest religion in the UK. The last census showed that it is an officially recognised religion which outnumbers Judaism in this country....Let's look at the evidence.

1) Questions about religion are always dodgy on the census. For example, some people put down "Christian" because they've been baptised, but they don't think about it much. SOme people believe in Christianity down to the letter, others just think Jesus was a smart bloke but don't believe in God. You then have to divide it up into all of the denominations, and then sub-divide that into practicing and non-practicing. In which case, a bulk figure concerning "Christianity" is not a true depiction of the actual world. I.e. in matters of belief, headcounts are not reliable. The qualitative always rules over the quantative.

2) This particular question on the census was dodgy when you look at the true story. Partly as a protest against the inclusion of religion as a census category by atheist groups, partly as a joke by bored members of the public, sci-fi nerds and students, people decided to put down "Jedi" under religion in order to reach the magic figure that would make it recognised as an official religion. Yes, it was a joke. If anything, the whole affair brought three things to our attention: 1) the quantative nature of the census cannot capture the individual interpretive nature of religion in the modern world. 2) Sheer numbers cannot validate a set of beliefs. 3) There should be an extra question on the census saying "If you have answered 'jedi' to the above, please answer the questions in section 12. Section 12 would then contain a single question, asking "Are you a cunt?" At this point the person would be confronted by 2 tick box options, both saying "yes".

It has to be pretty bad when your religion is only accepted on the grounds of a joke by a bunch of students and lazy anarchists. Note that the census is a legal document and by signing the declaration at the end means that you have provided the correct information. The government should have sent the police round to each house who stated "Jedi" as their religion and committed possibly the only justified act of religious genocide in the history of man. These people are either idiots and liars, or just to stupid to be allowed to have children.

So should Jedi be recognised as a religion? Should they be allowed to defend themselves on religious grounds? No, of course they shouldn't. Don't be so fucking stupid. And if that is what the protection of rights has come to, if that is a genuinely serious consideration of what it means to be a free individual, then sod it- I'm moving to China.